Tim Ferris Show Reference: Episode #721 Master Negotiator William Ury
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William Ury introduces the concept of self-mastery and the critical role of self-regulation in negotiation and conflict resolution. He suggests that the power to influence others is rooted in our ability to first influence ourselves, acknowledging our inherent tendency towards reactivity. Ury employs the "balcony" metaphor to illustrate a mental vantage point from which we can detach, refocus on our primary objectives, and assess situations with greater clarity.
This elevated balcony view encourages a momentary pause between provocation and reaction, providing a pathway to navigate conflicts thoughtfully and avoid impulsive decisions we might regret, like hastily sent emails or messages.
I once received advice never to send an email, make a phone call, or send a text when feeling emotional or reactive. Ury echoes this sentiment, suggesting that such a moment of pause to reflect is not just a learned skill but an inherent human capacity that we must consciously practice.
So, when you're on the cusp of an immediate reply to an email, as you sense that emotional trigger, take a pause. Hold off. Give it 24 hours. Practice this discipline.
[00:00:00] In any situation, I always think about it, you're negotiating.
[00:00:02] Imagine that you're negotiating something with someone.
[00:00:05] There's a pile of gold on the table and that gold represents the amount of gain,
[00:00:11] potential gain that lies in whatever deal you can make or whatever
[00:00:15] relationship you can create.
[00:00:17] Well, so often what you find is that people walk away from the table,
[00:00:22] either without a deal, they leave all that gold on the table, or they walk
[00:00:28] away just taking away part of the gold. with proven negotiator William Uri. I'm going to share with you sort of my summarized, a couple of my summarized thoughts on this episode that I listened to this week. It was a rather long episode, so I had an opportunity to listen to some of it in my truck,
[00:01:40] some of it while working out,
[00:01:42] and then the last 15 minutes in my office.
[00:01:46] And I tend to, when I won't drop any spoilers here, you'll have to go listen to the episode, succeed in the process of negotiation, and it came across to me as not so conventional. So I thought I would share that with you today, my notes from listening to this episode, and
[00:03:02] I hope it resonates with you, and I hope just to simply have the outcome that they were looking for. So, William introduces kind of this concept of self-mastery and the critical role of self-regulation in negotiation and also just in any kind of conflict resolution to kind of look inward
[00:04:23] to master the role of self-regulation. you know, you can kind of detach yourself from the, uh, from the conflict, from the uncomfortable situation, from the negotiation, and then you can just, and then you can refocus your primary objectives and assess the situation and look at it with better clarity. And the balcony, the way, the way that I kind of, uh, I guess, take this, uh, think of this,
[00:05:43] at least the picture that it put in my mind was that the, the't write the response in the email platform because you could accidentally hit send. Just get out your notepad, get out Microsoft Word, get out something else, write your response, and then wait 24 hours and then read it again and see if what you wrote when you were emotional, when you were triggered, makes sense when you have clarity.
[00:07:03] And I think in many ways, the way that William describes message, whatever it is, hold off and practice that. And I think that was that's something that I try to practice. I don't always get it right. But I'm, that is going to be one that is more, that uses more of a creative problem't. But if both parties can come together with that possible-less mentality, the creative problem solving, the expanding wife, or your boss at work, or one of your managers, or it really, there's no limits to how you can use this creative thought process in a negotiation instead of a win or lose perspective.
[00:12:20] And that to do that, the first step would be
[00:12:22] to focus on yourself.
[00:12:24] How can you change yourself?
[00:12:25] How can you regulate yourself? reactionary and responding when we're triggered. And so I think that by doing that, we can transform negotiations from that win or lose to being more of a joint problem solving opportunity. So that's what I have for you today, guys. Have a listen to the Tim Ferriss Show, episode number 721.
[00:13:45] I promise you it won't disappoint.